Advice to move on from a relationship can be difficult to hear, but sometimes it is necessary. No one wants to be told that the person they love is no good for them, but sometimes it is the truth. If you are struggling to move on from a past relationship, here is some advice from a therapist that may help you.
Start with yourself
We often get derailed from what we want if we focus too much on the other person. If you spend too much time thinking about your ex or what you might have done differently or wishing you could go back, you end up wasting energy dwelling on the past and missing out on opportunities to move forward. When you start focusing on what you can do differently, you begin to see your situation in a different light and are better able to move on.
What is your current financial state?
If you are struggling financially, you will be less likely to move on. Finances are at the root of our feelings so it makes sense that they will have an effect on our feelings about a relationship. If you are not sure where you stand financially, that’s a good reason to talk to a professional about it. You don’t want to enter a relationship with a partner who is broke and will only be taking you down with them.
What goals do you have for your finances?
It’s never too late to make changes for the better when it comes to your finances, so figure out what goals you have for the future. Have you been saving up for a big purchase? A vacation? The costs of living and caregiving are likely to increase as you age, so it’s important to start planning now.
What expenses are you struggling with?
It’s important to take a good, hard look at what you’re spending money on right now and how you feel about it. Are you paying for gym memberships and designer brands when you don’t really need them? Are you overspending on food because of the food delivery app you use? Do you feel guilty about how much you’re spending? Ask yourself whether there are ways to cut back that don’t negatively impact your life.
Ask yourself what you learned
Often, we learn the most from failures. When things don’t go as planned, it forces us to think about how we can improve and make things right. Ask yourself what you learned from your relationship with your partner. Did you learn how to be more patient? Did you learn how to express your love more clearly? Or did you learn how to be a better listener?
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You may not need a lot of sleep, but too little is never good for you
The need for sleep is hardwired into our biology; without enough rest, your mind becomes foggy, you make more mistakes, and you lose focus. As a result, you’re more likely to engage in unhelpful or unhealthy habits, such as binge eating, drinking, or smoking. One of the most overlooked symptoms of too little sleep is irritability. When you don’t get enough sleep, your brain becomes flooded with stress hormones, which cause your mood to crash. As a result, you tend to react more emotionally to situations and people, which can lead to conflict.
Set boundaries and stick to them
The first thing you need to do is to set boundaries. This means that you will need to decide what you will and will not allow yourself to do, physically, emotionally, and/or sexually. This is incredibly important in any relationship, but especially in the early days of a breakup. If you allow your partner to get away with certain things and you find yourself doing the same, you are setting yourself up for problems down the road. For example, if you allow yourself to cheat on your partner after you break up, it will only make things worse. You will end up feeling hurt and betrayed, and your partner will be less likely to trust you in the future.
Learn to say no
One of the most difficult things about a breakup is learning how to say no. If your partner’s demands are interfering with your life, it’s important to set boundaries and learn how to say no. It may be hard at first, but soon you’ll be glad you did. It will also help you to realize that you deserve to have time for yourself and your own activities. It’s important to learn how to live your life without your partner.
Don’t compare yourself to others
It’s easy to compare yourself to others and feel like there’s something wrong with you. But it’s important to not compare your situation to someone else’s. Every relationship is different and unique in its own way. If you’re comparing your breakup to how someone else ended their relationship, it’s only going to make you feel worse about your own situation and potentially make you feel angry or jealous. You may even start to believe that your relationship was wrong.
Get support
It’s important to have support both on the relationship’s terms and within yourself. While you’re figuring out how to move on, it’s important to have people in your life you can talk to about your feelings or confide in. While it might be tempting to confide in your ex, it’s important to focus on yourself. Having people in your life who are there to support you through the process of figuring out what you need and want will help you feel more secure.
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Your body goes through a lot of changes during menopause
Hormones are the primary culprits behind mood swings, weight gain, hot flashes, insomnia, and more, and women are most susceptible around age 50. To help you deal with the changes, talk to your doctor about hormone replacement therapy or a natural supplement, like soy. Research shows that soy can reduce PMS symptoms, like mood swings, breast tenderness, and acne, and it may even help prevent heart disease and osteoporosis.
Get support from friends and family
Your friends and family know you best and want to help you. They can remind you of the good times you had with your partner, as well as help you see the good things about your life before you started your partnership. They can help remind you of the things you love about yourself and that you deserve to be happy and fulfilled. If you’re having a hard time coping with the loss of your relationship, or if you simply just need to talk, friends and family can be your shoulder to lean on. It is important to have a safe, supportive relationship with your friends and family while you go through this process.
Talk to a doctor
If you are experiencing depression or anxiety, it is important to talk to a doctor to learn how to best manage your mental health. Your doctor can walk you through the process of developing a treatment plan and help you determine if you are eligible to see a mental health counselor.
Find a support group
A support group can provide an environment where you can talk to other people who understand what you’re going through. They can help guide you through your grief and provide you with an outlet for expressing your emotions. A good support group will offer you an opportunity to meet and talk with people who have gone through similar situations, who understand what you’re going through and can empathize with you. It’s also important that the support group is safe and confidential and that you are able to trust the people in the group with your intimate details. It’s also important to check if the group offers any sort of counseling as well.
Exercise
It’s no coincidence that “exercise” is one of the most common ways people deal with stress. Exercise releases endorphins, those feel-good brain chemicals that also help reduce anxiety, reduce feelings of depression, and improve mood. Just 20 minutes of moderate exercise, like a brisk walk, every day can have a huge positive impact on your mental health. Even better, the more you train your mind and body, the better you’ll feel about yourself.
Don’t rush
If you’re feeling anxious about the breakup and want to move on quickly, you might be rushing things. You may be worried about being alone or afraid of getting hurt, so you might be doing more things to try to forget your partner, rather than allowing yourself to grieve. You might also be trying to push your partner out of your mind so you can move on. This is normal, but you need to let yourself grieve and move on at your own pace, not the one your partner has set for you.
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Take your time
The temptation to jump into a relationship right away — especially after you meet someone in person — can be strong. But rushing can cause you to miss out on important information about the person you’re with, like whether or not they’re comfortable in an intimate relationship and what they need from you. Instead of going into relationships blind, take time to learn about your partner’s personality, values, and sexual preferences before you decide to get involved. That way, you’ll feel more secure in your relationship and can communicate your needs and wants more effectively.
Create your list
Your list of what you wish the relationship to have been or what the break up should have looked like might be a great starting point. Be honest with yourself and write down everything that you felt was wrong with the relationship, no matter how insignificant it may seem at the time. Don’t include things like, “he never called me,” or, “she never really made me feel special.” Instead, write down how you felt about the relationship as a whole. This list will be incredibly valuable when you’re trying to put your feelings into perspective and figure out what you really want from a relationship.
Make it a priority
Set aside time for yourself and work on your personal growth. If you want to be in a relationship, you need to be willing to invest in yourself. For example, if you want to be in a romantic relationship, focus on self-care, learn how to have fun, and work on your personal hobbies. While you’re working on yourself, don’t neglect your friends and family. Relationships are easier when you have a support system.
Be open
As you work through the grieving process, it’s important to be open to your feelings. Be willing to feel whatever emotions come up, even anger or frustration. When you shut down emotionally, you may unknowingly shut down your connection to your partner as well. You may have lost your ability to trust them, something that can take time to rebuild. Even if the relationship was unhealthy, it doesn’t mean you’re a lesser person. A good relationship gives you the opportunity to learn more about yourself and be more willing to love and trust others in the future.
In conclusion, if you are struggling to move on from a past relationship, it is important to seek out professional help. A therapist can assist you in exploring the emotions and behaviors that are keeping you stuck. With their guidance, you can develop a plan to let go of the past and move forward into a healthy, happy future.
