Relationship advice about arguing without ruining your relationship. We’ve all been there, that moment when you and your partner are arguing and things just escalate. It feels like everything you say is wrong, and you’re just digging yourself deeper into a hole. But it doesn’t have to be this way. There are ways to argue without ruining your relationship. Check out the rest of this article to find out how.
Don’t bring up conflict
If you’re afraid that your partner will get angry no matter what you say, then you’re not going to say much at all. If your partner is used to conflict being avoided, ignored or worse, all the more reason to not bring it up when you try to discuss something important to you. You can argue about the conflict later when you’re calm and collected.
Avoid the issue
One of the worst things to do when you’re in conflict with your partner is to bring up the conflict itself. This can create a circular argument that never actually gets resolved. If you want to avoid conflict, don’t bring it up. Keep your disagreements quiet — even if they are about something important. And if you think you have to bring up something because you feel like your partner isn’t listening to you, try to make your point without raising your voice. You could start by asking for a specific change you want. Or, you could say something that shows you care about their feelings — and your relationship — without raising conflict.
Don’t be the person to bring it up
If you are struggling with conflict in your relationship, it’s likely that your partner has the same issue. One of the simplest ways to resolve relationship conflict is to be aware of the things you say and how they make your partner feel. If you’re the one who always wants to talk about the conflict, your partner will likely struggle to feel heard.
Be willing to listen
You didn’t come to a discussion to argue. You came to figure out what the other person is thinking and feeling. It’s not the other person’s responsibility to tell you what they want to hear. If you want to know how to talk to people about conflict, you have to be willing to listen to them. Not to argue, but to understand. If you don’t have time to talk about everything, that’s fine—let them know that. But if they want to talk about something, make time.
Keep your cool
Even the best couples argue, but some argue better than others. To make sure you don’t ruin your relationship, keep your cool. When you’re angry, it’s hard to think clearly. So, before you say something you might regret, take a moment to calm down. Your partner may also need time to cool down. Forcing your point of view too soon may put you both on the defensive. Be patient and listen to what your partner has to say. You may find you have more in common than you originally thought.
State your case
It’s much simpler to state your case than to argue it. Instead of trying to argue and defend yourself, state your opinions and reasons why you feel the way you do. Try not to say what your partner says you’re saying or doing wrong. Don’t attack and don’t defend when you are in conflict. Just state your opinion calmly, clearly and confidently.
Don’t argue
If your partner is constantly fighting with you, you may need to make a change. If they don’t change, it’s possible that your relationship will end. Sometimes it’s best to just let your partner know that you need them to stop arguing with you. If they don’t, it might be time to call it quits.
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Avoid discussing the issue with the parent at all
It’s not helpful to bring your parents into the discussion. Your parents don’t know your relationship well enough to understand it and you don’t want to put them in the position of having to judge you. If your parents aren’t supportive of your relationship, consider whether it’s really for you or not.
Do your research
If you’re going to argue in front of your partner, be sure you’ve actually taken the time to learn as much about the issue as you can. If you don’t know the difference between the various opinions people have about your situation, how can you expect your partner to know? You can learn more about your partner’s point of view by listening to them and asking questions to understand their point of view. Don’t argue when you don’t know what you’re talking about.
Be polite and calm
The number one thing to remember in any argument is to be calm. Don’t lose your cool or raise your voice. If you raise your voice or argue harshly, your partner is more likely to get angry and argue back. This argument will quickly turn into a heated argument that neither of you will want. If you are calm and discuss your disagreements in a calm manner, you will be more likely to get your point across.
Don’t bring up old issues
You may be thinking that you want to bring up an issue you have had with your partner to resolve it once and for all. But, if you bring up an argument you had when you were angry or hurt, it will only make your partner feel more defensive and angry at you. Even if you think you are right, you may be wrong and your partner could have a completely different perspective on the situation. Try not to bring up old issues when you are angry or frustrated. It won’t get you anywhere.
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Avoid discussing how things were in the past
While it’s important to have an honest discussion about the present, it may be a mistake to bring up the past and the way things used to be. It’s much more helpful to focus on what the two of you can do to make things better right now, rather than dwelling on the problems you may have experienced in the past.
Don’t bring up minor issues
You might be tempted to bring up something that happened months ago as evidence of your partner’s poor habits. However, this is a tactic that can backfire and cause unnecessary tension. Keep your complaints limited to those that are relatively recent and that are causing you real problems or that are making you unhappy.
Don’t bring up old fights
It’s hard to argue with the fact that conflict is an inevitable part of intimate relationships. But when it comes to conflict, not all fights are created equal. While some arguments are healthy disagreements that can actually strengthen a relationship, others are an attempt to manipulate or control the other person and, therefore, aren’t worth having.
Avoid using the old “I told you so” routine
If you have a point you want to make, say it. But don’t use an argumentative tone. Tell your partner what you are thinking and ask questions about what they’re thinking. You can disagree without being argumentative. And when you have a point to make, don’t bring up old issues. It’s a sign that you’re trying to use conflict to push your partner to decide how they feel.
Don’t bring up old rants
Any argument that leads to name calling or an all-out yelling match will not lead to a resolution. Make sure you are calm and collected while discussing an issue, no matter how angry you may feel. Try to refrain from raising your voice, especially when discussing something that is emotionally charged. If you find yourself yelling, take a break and try to calm down before continuing the conversation. Remember, it’s not about who is right or wrong, but rather about figuring out a way to move forward.
Don’t take it personally
Someone may not be intentionally trying to make your partner angry or upset, but they might not understand how their behavior is or is not perceived. In the heat of the moment, it’s very easy to let your emotions guide how you respond, especially when you feel as if you’ve been wronged. It’s important to remember that each person you’re in a relationship with has their own feelings, likes, dislikes, and opinions.
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Recognize that you’re not the only one
The good news is that you’re not alone. Just because your partner hasn’t told you something doesn’t mean that they don’t love you. Sometimes people just have a hard time opening up, and there is no right or wrong way to do it. Instead of stressing about this, just focus on being supportive and loving them for who they really are.
You’re not the only one struggling to find the right words
Your partner may struggle with the same feelings, but it’s important to not take it personally if they don’t express them. Sometimes people get defensive and start to argue, even when they mean well. Try to remember that your partner may not be comfortable voicing their feelings and that it may not be intentional.
You’re not the only one who feels nervous
Being anxious about something can make it seem like your partner is the only person feeling nervous about it. And while it’s true that you’re both feeling nervous, it doesn’t mean that one of you is anxious about something more than the other.
You’re not the only one who feels anxious
If your partner shares something that makes them feel anxious, it doesn’t mean they are anxious about you. It just means they are anxious about something, and that fear is their own. In the heat of an argument, it’s easy to forget that your partner isn’t feeling anxious about you. Your partner might even be using it as an excuse to lash out. Remind your partner that just because they feel anxious doesn’t mean they are anxious about you. You may even want to remind them of one of the most famous quotes: “I may be anxious, but I’m not afraid.”
Don’t raise your voice
You may feel like lashing out, but raising your voice is not an effective way to get your point across. Instead, try to use calm, clear, direct, and firm statements that are not an insult or attack on your partner. Try to express your feelings clearly and avoid making accusations or using sarcasm. Avoid criticizing your partner or making assumptions about what they are thinking or feeling. Be willing to compromise and negotiate and keep an open mind about your partner’s point of view.
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Raising your voice is one of the most common mistakes people make when communicating
Most of us know how to argue but not how to argue well. There are ways to express your opinions, defend yourself, and keep the discussion constructive. The goal of any discussion is to get to the point of mutual understanding and agreement. We all have conflict in our lives, and it’s important to learn how to solve it correctly. There are many ways to solve a conflict but not all of them are appropriate for all situations. Not all disagreements are appropriate for conflict resolution. The best approach is to discuss and find a solution that works for both people involved. If this is not the case, it is better to not argue at all.
Your tone of voice can say so much
People are different and often what works for one person may not work for another. While your partner may love to hear you argue, your partner may not like to see you raise your voice. It’s important to pick your battles when it comes to how you argue. Not only will you be a more supportive partner, but you will also ensure that your relationship doesn’t develop a bad reputation.
Think about what you want to accomplish
We often argue with the intention of making our partners see our point of view, but when we argue from a place of frustration or anger, we usually end up hurting the relationship more. Before you start an argument, think about what you want to accomplish. Are you trying to win an argument or resolve an issue? Focus on what you want and the discussion will go much more smoothly.
Don’t feel the need to raise your voice
If you find yourself raising your voice to defend your point of view, try the “I feel” approach. This helps you express yourself without raising your voice. For example, say, “I feel like you’re taking my feelings into consideration, but I still don’t like it when you put your shoes in the living room. It makes me feel like you don’t care about what our family needs.” Then, let the conversation continue. You will be amazed at how much more effective this approach is. The last thing you want to do is argue about who is right or wrong, especially when it comes to your relationship.
Breathe deeply
If you start to argue, try focusing on your breathing. Your breathing will automatically calm you down. It’s important to stay calm even when angry. If you find yourself getting angry or yelling, take a moment to breathe deeply and count to five. By focusing on your breathing, you show your partner that you’re calm and collected. Plus, counting to five can help you to focus your thoughts and calm down more quickly.
In conclusion, it is important to argue without ruining your relationship. If you find yourself getting too heated, take a step back and try to see things from your partner’s perspective. It is also important to listen to your partner and be willing to compromise. Lastly, remember to apologize and make up afterwards.
