Sexless marriage advice for frustrated spouses: what to do when you’re not getting any. If you’re in a sexless marriage, you’re not alone. Here are some tips on how to deal with the situation.
No matter how hard you try, some days the spark just isn’t there
We all know that sex is important in any relationship, but when you’re not interested in sex for whatever reason—it can feel like trying to jump on a moving train. It’s not that your partner isn’t interested in you, it’s just that they’re not in the mood.
Set realistic expectations
It’s important to realize that what you want and what you can realistically expect of your spouse are two different things. While your spouse may have been with you for many years and still be interested in sex, it’s not fair to set the bar so high that sex feels like a chore. Instead, set the bar just a little lower—perhaps by trying to have sex once a week—and be willing to be happy with whatever level of sex you’re able to have.
Exercise and set realistic goals
As you work to understand what may be causing or contributing to your lack of sexual interest, you can also work towards improving your sexual health. Working towards improving your overall health will increase your energy and help you to stay more focused on your daily to-do list, which will help you to be more interested in sex. Try setting goals like taking a daily walk, lifting weights, or even learning how to cook a new skill that will make you feel more confident about yourself.
Don’t push yourself too hard
If one of you is really into sex but the other isn’t, don’t force them to do things they don’t want to do. Your sex drive is not the same for both of you, and it’s unfair to make one partner do things they don’t want to do just because you want sex more often. In fact, it can actually lead to resentment and resentment leads to a dead-end relationship.
Meditate and do some self-reflection
This may sound strange, but it’s true: Try to think about your sex life as a romantic movie. A romantic movie has a beginning, middle, and end, and each act in the story helps bring you to the next. Maybe you’ll see your sex life as a journey, and your sexual connection as a romantic adventure. You might even discover that the sex you have now is actually the best sex you’ve ever had! One thing that can help you to find your way back to sexual satisfaction is to slow down and take the time to think about what you want and need from your sexual relationship.
Take time off
Sometimes the spark just isn’t there for one person in the relationship. Maybe you’re just not in the mood or you’re not ready to have sex. Maybe you’re both just not in the mood. But rather than forcing yourself to have sex when you don’t want to, it’s important to take time away from your partner—at least temporarily—if you’re not in the mood. This allows you time to miss each other’s bodies and to think about why you’re not feeling sexual. You might discover that you’re not in the mood because you’re tired, stressed or just not in the mood. Taking some time away from your partner can help you discover just how much you really want to be intimate with them.
Be patient
Sometimes sexual frustration is just a normal part of life. If you’re used to having sex regularly with your partner, it can be challenging to figure out what is normal and what is not. You might be wondering if something is wrong with you if you’re not having sex. Just because you’re not having sex doesn’t mean you are having sex.
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Your child may seem distracted or may have difficulty focusing on tasks initially
Your child may not have learned how to channel their sexual energy into other ways or may not be comfortable yet with sexual talk. It’s perfectly normal for your child to need time to adjust to being sexual with their parents, especially if they grew up in a non-sexual household. It can be frustrating to watch your child struggle, but it’s important to be patient and continue to reassure them that you love them and will help them grow into a sexually healthy adult.
Your child may need more support to develop the skills they need to improve
Your child may have developed habits that need to be broken. For example, they may have been taught that sex is a way to express love and trust, or they may have been taught that sex is something shameful to talk about. These beliefs are not always accurate, but if you want to help your child learn about sexual feelings and practices, you will need to break those beliefs. Start by being honest about your sexual relationship and talk to your child about your feelings. Be open and willing to talk about your sex life, even if it is uncomfortable. It’s important to talk about sex as an act that is intended for pleasure and intimacy rather than shame and degradation.
Children with ADHD are more likely to have difficulty sitting still and paying attention for long periods of time
Children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) may struggle to sit still and pay attention in school and at home. In some cases, these children may have difficulty with sexual activity too. This is especially true for boys who have ADHD and are hyperactive. There are different types of ADHD, so the sex issue might not be related to the ADHD itself. But it is still something to be aware of.
Communicate more
It’s not enough to talk about sexual frustration and what’s missing from your sex life—you need to actually talk to each other about your sex life, what you like and what you don’t like, what feels good, and what doesn’t. Even if one of you isn’t very talkative, you can encourage them to talk more by asking questions about what they’re feeling and expressing your love and interest in them. The more you talk about your sexual relationship, the more you’ll discover what you both like and dislike, and the more likely you’ll be able to have satisfying sex—and that’s what sex is all about!
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Develop your communication skills
One of the biggest reasons that people struggle in their sexless marriage is that they just don’t talk enough. People who are good communicators tend to have sex more often. And when you’re not having sex, it’s important to have a way to talk to each other about what’s going on and how you’re feeling.
Practice active listening
When one or both of you are feeling frustrated or angry, rather than expressing your feelings, take a moment to practice active listening. This means your partner needs to focus on paying attention to what you are saying and really trying to understand what you are feeling. It doesn’t mean you have to agree, or that you need to respond at all. And it definitely doesn’t mean you need to do something to fix the situation.
Learn to say “no”
You may be getting too much sexual attention from your spouse that you don’t want or need. Try to say “no” more often to those sexual demands. The more you say “no,” the less pressure you will feel to say “yes” that you don’t want to give in to. If your spouse tries to pressure you into sex, don’t allow them to do so.
Ask for help
If you have a sexual dysfunction, you are not alone. In the United States, 43 percent of women and 22 percent of men experience some form of sexual dysfunction. Fortunately, there are many ways to manage sexual problems. If you are struggling with sexual dysfunction, talk to your partner about it. A medical provider can also help you to learn more about your sexual function and what you can do to improve it.
Take care of yourself
There is no one way to prevent sexless marriage. Everyone is different. But one thing is for certain: If you don’t take care of yourself, you’re not going to be in a frame of mind to want to have sex with your partner. You will be preoccupied with other things and not be able to focus on your relationship. It doesn’t matter if you’re having sex with your partner or not, but you need to take care of yourself regardless. Focus on your health, exercise, take a bath, read a book, meditate, whatever it is that gives you peace and happiness. Once you feel more relaxed and in control, you’ll find yourself much more attracted to your partner and will be more able to have sex.
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Get plenty of sleep
Getting enough sleep is absolutely essential to a healthy sex life. If you’re not getting enough, it’s most likely because you’re not putting enough effort into prioritizing your sleep. While you might think you deserve to skip the gym or skip work to spend time with your partner, your body actually has a much higher priority than you do. If you want to have sex, you need to take care of yourself first. Your body is the vehicle that enables you to have sex in the first place. If you don’t take care of yourself, you will not be able to have sex or be in a mood to want to have sex.
Exercise regularly
Getting your endorphins pumping by working out is one of the best ways to feel relaxed and to help you have more energy throughout the day. While it can be fun, try to find activities that you enjoy so that it doesn’t feel like a chore. Even just 20 minutes of moderate cardio a day can help to improve your mood and increase your libido. If you’re really serious about getting your endorphins pumping, consider scheduling sex on your gym schedule to help motivate you to stay committed.
Eat healthy
It’s pretty easy to eat healthy when you’re single. You can shop at the grocery store, try new recipes, and cook for yourself. When you’re married, however, the choices you make for your family can impact you as well. Avoid junk food and takeout and try to find healthier alternatives for your family. You’ll be happier, and your sex life will benefit.
In conclusion, if you are not getting any sex in your marriage, there are some things you can do to improve the situation. Talk to your spouse about your needs and try to come to a mutual understanding. If that doesn’t work, you may need to seek out sexless marriage advice from a professional. Whatever you do, don’t just accept a sexless marriage as inevitable. With a little effort, you can improve your situation and get the intimacy you crave.
