Tips to control anger in a relationship:It can be really tough to keep your cool when things are heating up with your partner. After all, arguments are bound to happen in any close relationship. But if you find yourself getting angrier than you’d like, it might be time to take a step back and figure out how to better control your anger.Here are a few tips that can help:1. Be proactive, not reactive.Anticipate potential triggers and try to head them off before they lead to an argument. For example, if you know that you tend to get angry when your partner is late, try to plan ahead and give yourself some extra time to cool down before you see them.2. Don’t bottle up your feelings.If something is bothering you, it’s important to talk about it before it turns into resentment. If you’re not sure how to bring it up, try saying something like, “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed and I
Recognize and acknowledge your feelings
This step is essential in controlling anger in a relationship. When you are angry, it is very difficult to recognize and acknowledge the feelings that are present. Instead, we tend to react automatically, making the situation worse. When you are aware of how you feel, you are more likely to express those feelings appropriately rather than allowing them to build up and explode in an unhealthy way. One way you can recognize and acknowledge your feelings is to keep a journal. Write down how you feel, what triggered you, and what the situation was that caused you to feel that way. Doing so will help you to better understand what happened and why you are angry.
Express your feelings
Speaking about your feelings puts both people in a position to solve a problem rather than continue to have an argument. Remember, your partner probably feels the same way you do and just as hurt and angry too. Don’t make assumptions of how your partner feels and express your feelings directly. You may be surprised how your partner reacts and how much they value your feelings.
Talk to family and friends
The people who are closest to you are the ones who can help you the most to manage your anger. Talk to them about your frustrations, and look for ways to express your anger in a way that doesn’t put people in a bad mood. You may not be able to control how your partner feels, but you can control how you express your feelings.
Share your feelings with your health care provider
If you know that anger is an issue for you, it’s important to find a therapist who specializes in anger management. Even if you don’t want to see a therapist, it’s still important to talk to your doctor. He or she can help you identify whether your anger is a cause for concern, and they can refer you to a therapist who can help you deal with the anger and its consequences.
Avoid blaming
If you find yourself getting angry and blaming your partner for something that happened, ask yourself what it tells you about yourself. It’s not about the other person — it’s about you. Ask yourself why you’re angry, what you’re trying to get out of the situation, and what you need to do to move forward. If you respond to something your partner says with anger and blame, it will feel like they are attacking you. You will feel less in control, and it will be more likely that you will continue to argue and feel angry. Try to respond calmly and ask your partner what they were trying to say rather than reacting defensively.
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Whatever the circumstances, blaming others and shirking responsibility for your circumstances won’t help you
We all make mistakes, but if you’re in a relationship, you need to keep your partner in the loop about your feelings and what’s going on in your life. If you don’t think you can talk about your feelings and fears freely, you need to figure out why. Is it because you’re afraid of being rejected or criticized? Maybe. But if you never let your partner know how you’re really feeling and what you really want, you’re setting yourself up for conflict. Maybe you’ll push your partner’s buttons and cause tension. Or maybe they’ll push back, and you’ll end up feeling angry at one another. It’s much better to talk about how you feel and what you need to make your relationship work.
Blaming others or shirking responsibility is counter-productive and can even make things worse
It’s not easy to control anger when it shows up, and it can be incredibly damaging to turn those feelings against the one you love. Your partner deserves better and may be feeling hurt as a result of the way you are reacting to them. If you see that things are escalating, take a time-out and discuss how you can resolve the conflict without anger. And if you can’t manage to do that, it’s time to seek help.
Blaming others can also cause you to feel angry and upset
When we believe someone is to blame for our feelings of anger, it can increase our feelings of anger and frustration. While it may seem like pointing the finger at others can relieve some of that anger, it really just causes us to be angry and frustrated with that person instead of with the actual cause of our anger.
Blaming others is usually a sign that you are not taking responsibility for your current situation
If you are angry at your partner, it is absolutely critical that you take responsibility for your feelings. No one else is responsible for how you feel or what your partner does or says. Your partner may have made mistakes, but that does not change how you feel. Your partner can’t make you angry—they can only do or say things that trigger your anger. Blaming your partner won’t change anything. You are responsible for your feelings and for how you respond to them.
Don’t reveal your anger to your partner
Avoid showing or expressing anger to your partner. This doesn’t mean suppressing anger. It means controlling it so it doesn’t get out of hand. Reasonable anger is a healthy feeling, especially when it’s expressed correctly. If you don’t express anger in a healthy way, you might end up yelling at your partner, using hurtful or abusive language, or even hitting them. These are all forms of anger that you don’t want to express, so it’s best to learn how to control anger in a relationship when you’re angry. It’s also important to know that most people aren’t born with anger problems.
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Avoid venting your anger in front of your partner
You can have an argument and still love your partner. But not if you try to resolve the conflict by yelling and pointing fingers. If you need to express anger, take time to calm down first. Tell your partner that you’re angry but that you need a time to cool down before you talk about it. Avoid arguments in front of children as well. Your anger can be harmful to them, especially when it’s directed towards your partner.
Give yourself time to process your emotions
While it may seem like you need to express your anger immediately, it’s important to give yourself time to process what happened and how you feel. It’s also important to understand why you are angry, as it may have more to do with what happened before the argument rather than the argument itself. Try to identify reasons you may be angry that have nothing to do with what your partner did. For example, you may be angry because you’re tired or stressed out. If you can’t think of any other reasons why you’re angry, it may be time to seek the help of a therapist.
Express your frustration in a productive way
When you’re angry, it’s tempting to let your frustration out, whether it be through yelling, slamming doors, or even smashing things. But when you express your feelings in an unhealthy way, you’re likely to hurt or anger your partner, and possibly escalate the situation to the point of violence. Instead, let your anger out in a more positive way by writing down your feelings or discussing them with a trusted friend or counselor.
Ask for help
If you struggle with anger, it’s important to seek assistance and not let it go untreated. If you’re afraid to ask for help, you won’t get it. You can talk to a therapist about your struggles, or you can talk to a friend. Getting help won’t make your partner angry. It will increase their understanding of you and help you learn how to handle your anger.
Don’t express your anger immediately
When someone you love is angry with you, it can be extremely hurtful. Whether it’s yelling, slamming doors, or aggressive words, if you react in the same way, you’re only reinforcing the attitude you’re angry about. Instead, say something like, “I understand you are frustrated, but yelling isn’t going to help us resolve this issue. Let’s talk about this so we can both feel heard and understood.” Don’t express your anger immediately—and if you do, it’s likely to make your partner angry and defensive.
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Recognize that you’re angry
Sometimes, people express anger because they don’t know how else to express it, or because they feel guilty about it. Being angry can also be a sign of depression or anxiety. Even if you’re not sure why you’re angry, it’s important to identify and express your anger in a healthy way. It may help to talk to a mental health professional.
Express your feelings
If you feel angry, express it. If someone has upset you, talk to them about it. You may be frustrated and angry when someone you care about does something that makes you feel angry. Tell them how you feel and let them know how their action made you feel. It helps to not express your anger immediately. Let them know that you are angry and will talk about it later. After you’ve expressed your feelings, move on and think about how you can resolve the issue.
Be calm and collected
When you’re angry, your brain goes into fight or flight mode. Your body prepares itself for immediate action by releasing adrenaline, which makes you stronger and faster. But when you express anger immediately, you’re sending confusing signals to your partner. They don’t know whether you’re angry because of what they did or because you’re angry for some other reason. Your partner may feel afraid or anxious, or simply think that an argument is brewing.
Try to take deep breaths
Try to take deep breaths. You may have had a negative reaction to something your partner said or did. Instead of immediately blurting out an angry response, take a few moments to take a deep breath and try to think about how you really feel. Try to calm down by taking long, slow breaths through your nose. In the meantime, your partner is still speaking. Let them know that you want to discuss the issue but that you need a moment to calm down first. This is an excellent time to practice active listening. Once you feel like you can handle the conversation more calmly, you can express your feelings and discuss what happened.
Don’t tell your partner how to fix the problem
Your partner is most likely to respond to feeling angry and upset by trying to fix the problem. Telling them how to fix the problem will only make them feel frustrated and angry, and will likely result in them feeling angry at you, too. If your partner tries to tell you how to fix the problem, tell them that you are not interested in solving the problem that way. Instead, let them know that you love them and want to help them feel loved and satisfied. Put the problem in its proper perspective and offer to work toward solving it together.
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By telling your partner how to fix the problem, you may be sending the message that you don’t care as much about the issue as they do
If you are consistently pointing out your partner’s mistakes, you may be reinforcing the idea that they are wrong. This is especially true for issues that are more emotional in nature. For example, if you argue when your partner doesn’t take out the trash or makes a mistake with the groceries, it can seem like you’re pointing out that they are lazy or forgetful. Telling your partner exactly how to fix the issue may just be giving them the idea that they need to do it differently.
If you tell your partner how to solve the issue, you may be sending the message that you don’t think they are capable of doing it on their own
If you want your partner to feel as if they can trust you with their feelings, help them problem solve on their own. Instead of trying to fix the problem for them, encourage them to look at it from their own perspective and work out a solution they feel confident about. This will give them the self-confidence they need to tackle the issue on their own.
By telling your partner how to fix the problem, you may be sending the message that you think the solution is simple and they are not trying hard enough
When you express hurt and anger, you are only likely to make the situation worse. You may also be sending the wrong message that your partner is responsible for the problem and that it is not your job to solve it. If you want to change the way you respond to conflict, you need to start by refocusing your attention on the problem itself and not on who is responsible for solving it. Try to respond to conflict as calmly as possible. When you find yourself getting angry, take a deep breath and count to 10. Try to think of a calm response that will help resolve the problem and not make it worse.
In conclusion, if you are struggling with anger in your relationship, remember to be proactive, not reactive. Take the time to understand what triggers your anger and work on strategies to control it. Communicate with your partner about your anger issues and be open to seeking professional help if needed. With effort and commitment, you can overcome anger and have a healthy and happy relationship.
